apologies and promises
by BiPride76
Summary: "So, again. Sorry." She finished quietly. "And you don't have to accept if you don't want to. I get it." Astrid looked up to meet his eyes and he nodded. That was the end of the conversation, but Astrid knew her apology hadn't been accepted. It had been acknowledged, yes. But not accepted. And she was glad about it. or, Astrid works to earn Hiccup's forgiveness.


Astrid wasn't one to see subtleties.

She wasn't one to sit and observe and notice things. She preferred action over planning, she preferred movement over waiting.

But even she, who didn't notice Snotlout's small obsession with her until he spelled it out, could see the difference in Hiccup when he was with the Vikings versus the dragons.

Astrid could see he was uncomfortable with the Vikings. Maybe even more so now that the Red Death was gone. There was always this stiffness in his stance and shoulders that made Astrid wonder.

He was guarded around them, closed off, distrusting.

Astrid couldn't blame him.

She could admit to the fact that she's turned away whenever Snotlout would threaten Hiccup or whenever the twins would sneer insults at them. She didn't care. As much as it pained her to admit it, but she was just as bad as the rest of them.

Maybe even more so.

Silence is one of the biggest forms of betrayal.

Astrid knew that Hiccup looked up to them, saw them as everything he wanted to be, took their words as law. So, it was only a matter of time that he began to believe the things they said about him too. He accepted it.

It hurt to see that accepting yet vaguely adoring gaze warring with that guarded and unnerved look.

But she was grateful that it wasn't all adoring. Astrid didn't think she could handle being looked at with complete praise when she never what she did. Or, more importantly, when she knew what she didn't do.

Her fellow Vikings weren't so internally tuned. She saw Fishlegs give him the occasional guilt laden and miserable look and she saw Ruffnut attempt to nudge her brother when he was going too far but it wasn't like they had apologized.

More so that they tried to pretend like it didn't happen to ease their own guilt? Make them feel like better people?

Astrid didn't know.

But she did know that sometimes she wanted to shake Hiccup for being so forgiving.

He stiffened whenever Snotlout would walk by but he still jumped to help him with his saddle when he asked. He flinched whenever Tuffnut would laugh harshly, yet still offered him more tips on how to win over Belch.

Astrid wondered if he felt like he had to keep doing them favor after favor to keep in their good graces.

She hoped he didn't feel that way with her. The first thing Astrid did when he woke up after the Red Death was apologize.

"Hiccup." She had started awkwardly. Hiccup frowned, tensing slightly. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

Hiccup's guarded look faltered. His frown deepened but Astrid figured that was more so out of confusion than anything else so she willed herself to continue.

"Before Toothless- well, before dragon training, I wasn't fair to you." She admitted. She focused her gaze on her own boots instead of his green eyes. "I didn't even give you a chance to prove yourself before shoving you aside. And that wasn't right of me. And-and even if you weren't a master dragon trainer or a dragon slayer or a dragon rider, I still should have stopped Snotlout and Tuffnut."

Hiccup was quiet and Astrid fidgeted slightly.

"So, again. Sorry." She finished quietly. "And you don't have to accept if you don't want to. I get it."

Astrid looked up to meet his eyes and he nodded.

That was the end of the conversation, but Astrid knew her apology hadn't been accepted. It had been acknowledged, yes. But not accepted.

And she was glad about it.

She wanted Hiccup to build a backbone and if she had to be the first one to get pushed back against, then so be it. The push was justified and for all Hiccup's smooth talking, she knew he was all about actions.

She knew she'd have to back her words up with prove and actually show Hiccup that she was on his side now.

And that was definitely something she could do.

So when they were all at dinner and Tuffnut laughed about Hiccup the useless and Hiccup's eyes did that half guarded half accepting thing, Astrid slammed a hand down onto the table.

"What did you just say?"

Everyone at the table turned to look at her but Astrid's glare was focused on Tuffnut.

Tuffnut's brow furrowed before he shrugged nonchalantly. "I just said that it's lucky that Hiccup has a Night Fury because Hiccup is still useless at swinging a sword."

Out of the corner of her eyes Astrid could see Hiccup deflate slightly. It was as if all the air was pushed out of him and the world was pressing down on his shoulders. She briefly wondered if he always looked so worn down. Or was it that she was finally just noticing it.

"He is not useless." She snapped, slamming her hand down again.

Tuffnut looked at a loss for words and Snotlout cut in. "He still can't swing a sword! What kind of viking can't swing a sword!"

"I just love how you're talking about me." Hiccup muttered quietly, his shoulders still slumped. "As if I'm not right here."

"The kind of viking that will outrun you any day." Astrid said hotly, mentally apologizing to Hiccup for talking about him like he's not in the room. "The kind of viking that will outsmart you at any time. The kind of viking that is a million times better than you."

Then a pause.

"Better than us." She finished softly.

Tuffnut, Ruffnut and Snotlout's jaws were practically on the floor while Fishlegs watched her with a proud and slightly shameful expression.

She stood, trying to ignore her pounding heart and flushed face, and stormed out.

She needed to find a tree to axe to death.

And maybe pretend that tree had Snotlout's face while she was at it.

...

The crack of a twig stopped her from hurling her axe at the same abused tree for the twentieth time in a row.

"Wow." Hiccup laughed softly. "What did that tree do to you?"

Astrid allowed her stance to fall and she dropped her axe when Toothless nosed at her free hand.

"It was stupid." She huffed. Despite her anger, she ran a gentle hand over Toothless' scales, the way she'd seen Hiccup do a million times before. "It was dumb and idiotic and brainless."

Hiccup sat down on the ground, his back against a rock. There was an amused glint in his eyes.

"Uh huh. Right." He said it in that way he had that made it sound like he was laughing at you without actually laughing. "The tree was stupid, dumb, idiotic and brainless. You know those are all synonyms right?"

Astrid was about to swivel onto him in anger when she stopped herself short.

He was joking around with her.

His posture was relaxed, despite the fact that he had just watched her slam an axe directly at her target multiple times.

Astrid paused before trying to smooth over her almost misstep. If Hiccup noticed the falter, he didn't say anything.

"Well." She moved past Toothless and sat herself down next to Hiccup on the ground, mimicking the way his knees were pulled up to his chest. "The tree was stupid. Standing there with all those...leaves."

To Astrid's delight, Hiccup laughed.

It was a beautiful sound.

Astrid felt slightly giddy that it happened because of her.

They both lapsed into a comfortable silence where they both watched Toothless pad around in a circle before laying down.

"Ah," Hiccup started, drawing Astrid's attention. His cheeks were bright pink and his gaze was fixed on the rock a little ways in front of them. "Thank you for what you did. You didn't have to."

"No. You're right." Astrid nodded. "I didn't have to. But I should've. And I could've. And I will."

To anyone else that wouldn't have made sense, but light green eyes flickered over to meet sky blue ones in shock.

I should've before. I could've before. But I will starting now.

And this time, Astrid was glad to see that look of acceptance. But now, the mistrust was replaced by hope.

And Astrid was not ashamed to admit that she liked that look on Hiccup the best.


End file.
